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It’s strange everything else was in a semi daze. I had to call my neighbour , Shade, a newly married young girl whom I really never spoke to. I called Soji and Yemisi, but I didn't even say what was wrong. All I knew was there was so much blood. The drive to the hospital was in long silence…Again, it was shade that took me there. Dr Oyeyemi, who had looked after Bolu since he was a baby, took one look at me and I was in intensive care. By the time Soji got there, it was all over. ''I lost the baby,'' I said in a cold dry voice that didn't sound like me. I didn't look at him, just turned over and gripped the bed sheet with one hand…and then my other hand went to my tummy. I had never had a bulging tummy, but I could feel it was already flatter than usual…empty. The tears that fell from my eyes were scorchingly hot…bitter tears of regret and pain. ''I'm so sorry…'' Soji reached for my hand and I flinched, like he was something repulsive…all I wanted to do was be alone and cry…cry by myself in peace. I didn't need him to feel sorry…. after all he hadn't carried anything….how I hated him and I wanted him to get out and go away. But he sat there all through the night…in the stiff looking chair, holding my hand and whispering my name… Bitterness is a terrible thing. Much as I knew I was doing neither myself nor him any good…it felt so gratifying to lock him out. I felt no pity for him. I hated him because I had caught him in a suggestive wrap with ''that girl''. But worse, I hated him because my baby was gone now. I hated him because I blamed him. I had lost my temper because of him and the result was this…and was he sorry because I lost the baby or because I had caught him? Was he just thinking of the stupid lie he was going to say to me later? God, why did this happen to me? I was so happy, so ready for another baby…Was this a punishment for something? I could feel myself bottling up with something and it didn't feel good. I needed to scream… Dr Oyeyemi came in, he sighed...''I'm really sorry, there was nothing anyone could do.'' Speaking to both of us, ''Looking at all the facts, this is one of those things that only God understands. Sometimes it may be there was something wrong with the foetus and this is just nature’s way of correcting things…I've looked at the scan and there seems to be a little tissue left in your womb. To avoid infection, we are going to have to do a D&C as soon as possible.'' By then, I had lost him. All I could remember was foetus…foetus…? Didn't he know that it was a baby to me….Did no one understand how I felt? So, it was back to the theatre. They didn't put me to sleep, just some injection and some cramps and then what had been left of my baby was all gone. Dr Oyeyemi touched my shoulder: “I don't want either of you to blame yourselves for any of this. Your womb is perfectly ok. Before you know it, you'll be having other babies in no time...'' I saw Soji had tears in his eyes, but it didn't matter…I was never going to forgive him. |
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